I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
