apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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