Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
