Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
