oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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