So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
