Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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