my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
