I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
