for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
