No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize