i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
