Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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