you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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