on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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