Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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