This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
