I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
