they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
