Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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