I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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