you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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