i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
NoShamevember. You game?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
