I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i black out too much to be "responsible"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
