you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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