I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
