You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
