Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Green mimosas i think yes
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
