remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You are the jesus of drinking
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize