Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
