i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
