So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
