i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
