Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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