I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
