i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
