my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
