i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
