but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
