I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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