okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize