Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Say something about gay babies.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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