I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
