she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
