I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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