How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
