Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
