i barfeds in our rink
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
it's like iHOP with fire
she peed on how many people?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
