Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i drank out of a bidet.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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