The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
