So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Enjoy the penises
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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