Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
