So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
