butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
