He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He passed out mid-signature
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
