we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I supernannyed him into submission
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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