yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The beer is more important than you right now.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize