I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
