please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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