I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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