there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
