So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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