I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
