im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The beer is more important than you right now.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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