you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize