Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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