And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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