u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
