The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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