I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
